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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The best way to hold on is to let go...

Headache, having a really bad headache now... because I didnt sleep well last night. I was awake until 4 am in the morning, thinking of postgraduate programmes (in Australia) that my university offered. Shall I accept or not. This is a 3 years programme. It is a difficult decision that I have to make. And it sounds easy as well but not for me. From the very beginning, I always want to move out from my own country to others. The reasons are personal. And I dont want to stuck forever in my own country, I mean the world is huge. There are people who are waiting to meet, places to visit, cultures to experience, food to taste... and many more. You see, I like travelling. But, apart from what I like to do, there are things that I have to let go. Family. My family is small and isnt close with my relatives here. Not to mention neighbours. Life is simple here but complicated. My mum doesnt socialise much like my sister. And my sister will back to study soon. Then, what is left obviously is my parent. They are the only concern for me. They are getting older. If I make my move to Australia, honestly, Ill hardly come back to Malaysia. It will take 5 years? maybe 8 years, Im afraid. Thinking of living without them makes me worry. Thinking of being away from them... I miss them already. Its hard for me. When I think deeply, being away is not permenant, and just temporary. I have my dream to catch, my life to live, and my future too. I go out to create my life, not to search conditions to fit my life. Yet, Im still thinking whether or not to take the opportunites.

Anyway, after I woke up, washed my face and I started to draw. Unfortunately, I havent done the painting yet. And I cant show you here just yet. So, I just give you some basic ideas that how the sketch looks like. Hope you can visualise it. The sketch is about a young man holding many different colours, different saiz balloons. Some of them are floating in the air, some of them already in flaccid form. The man is tearing and his hands is bleeding. He is scared of getting the new balloons around him, because the old one he is having will be gone later. Results, some balloons are slowly losing the floating ability and become flaccid. Can you see it? Actually, the balloons indicate the things that connecting to you. Family, friends, your lover, job, home... etc. You have to let them go sometimes, when they still have the ability to float, to do the things they want to do. To fly away as far as they can until the very end. However, balloons will lose out the air as time goes by. By the time they are flaccid, no matter how you want them to fly, they wont anymore. Im not saying it is over after you let go. Its the beginning to grap the new one. I will upload the final painting after it is done.

Thats all from today, ciao.


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